I recently told a friend in what was a very open moment, "When God crushes you it hurts." And boy does it ever! Why then, does it take crushing to grab our attention? It's so against everything we’ve been taught to enjoy such a pounding. I’d much rather be coasting through life picking flowers, and catching rays of sunshine in a bottle.
I’ve spent my whole life trying to avoid pain. I run from it in many ways, and lean towards the side of caution nearly every chance I get. Why is that? Is it my past experiences that have shaped me to long for safety, or is it simply human nature to covet the road most frequently traveled? Personally I have come to realize that neither question matters.
I’ve gone through such a season, for that matter I suppose I’m still in it. Throughout the whole process I have asked God for perspective and I must say that he’s beginning to give me bits and pieces. He showed me my insides and they’re ugly. My motives have been checked at the counter, and the Airline attendant has charged me out the butt for the excess baggage. To sum it up, He’s shown me that Glenn Gordon is a proud and arrogant person who is in love with himself and the things that God can give me. I cherish the idea of being viewed as one carrying the banner of Christ proudly, which is an oxymoron worthy of the harshest of eye-rolls. For the most part I’ve done a great job throughout the years of curbing these convictions due to reasons unbeknownst to me.
But at this point, do the why’s matter? I’m not sure, but what I do know is that the question of, “what now?” will be the catalyst that determines which way my life goes. The answer will in essence determine whether or not my life makes a difference to the kingdom of God.
Quite frankly I only see two roads for my life. Road number one is a dark road, filled with potholes and speed bumps. There are a lot of travelers on this road. It’s a thoroughfare of pride, the road Satan himself carved and forded first when he aspired to be higher than God. From his marketing campaign it looks like a fun ride. Everywhere you look billboards scream about the treasures that are in store on the road marked by self-importance. They say that Glenn deserves to be recognized, that he’s a commodity to the world. These signs tell him that the world needs him, and that his decision to travel on this road could be a milestone in history. They tell him how his ministry can effect lives positively, and how he’ll get all the credit. They scream to him about how valuable he is in the grand scheme of things and that he only needs to look to himself to find the motivation to walk. They’re all lies. It isn’t difficult to walk on this road at all; anybody can do it, in fact most do. But it leads to a lonely empty room filled with the thoughts of what might have been.
Road two is a road marked by the pursuit of humility, where motives are continually checked, and the Lord is given free rein to work in Glenn through whatever means necessary. Humility road is filled with accountability and hard questions. The other people on this road don’t look like the rest of the world. To those on Pride road these people look like servants, weaklings who allow people to push them around. However nothing could be further from the truth. Their strength is found in their savior who through His perfect grace takes their weaknesses and uses them to display His power. They deflect any attention, or praise given them to the one who offered them the ability to surrender. Those on this road don’t do this so people will tell them how humble they are. No, their treasure is round in the intimacy with the One who is waiting at the end of this road with open arms. There isn’t necessarily a picture of this leader to which the travelers strive, yet He sent somebody who knows the way and has left a roadmap to follow. He traveled the road better than any other traveler could. Fact is that He was the only man to complete the trip. He was the most humble of anyone, and his victory offers hope to the other sojourners.
The destination of the road to humility is ironically glory. There is this principle that we read throughout the Bible, that those who humble themselves before the Lord are eventually lifted up in due time. For most of my life this has been my desire. I knew this principle, and figured if I just talk myself down then I will be lifted up. It makes sense, right? See the only problem here is that my self-degradation, and self-denial were shallow masks for a proud and hard heart. They are just that mine. Humility isn’t thinking less of myself, it’s not regarding myself at all. Humility is being so wrapped up in God that his will is foremost on my thoughts.
So now Glenn is left with the choice to follow this man called Christ on a tough road filled with repentance and brokenness or his own heart. Everything around him pleads for him to follow his heart, but while pride offers momentary exaltation the road less traveled offers hope, and a final result that will last forever.
I know which road I want to take, and I know what is needed to get me on this road. One of my favorite quotes I’ve head came from a chapel service where Chuck Swindoll said, “When God wants to do an impossible task, He takes an impossible person and crushes them.” This is made evident thought the entirety of scripture. God continually kicks the crutches out from under those He wishes to use in His kingdom. In some ways it makes perfect sense. God wants us to understand that we can’t do it, that we are powerless to fulfill His will on our own accord. Whatever he has called me to, I am powerless to complete apart from his Grace. I must rely on his power to support me and guide me to be the humble servant that He calls all of us to be. A continual submission like this isn’t something that comes naturally, but it begins with the understanding of the depravity of our flesh initiated by crushing.
This is the perspective I have so long wanted. The understanding that I am at this place in my life right now because He needs to show me that He can be trusted and that I cannot. His ways are most certainly higher than mine, and in some strange way I sometimes think He gets a kick out of telling me this.
Therefore I have decided to pursue humility, to enjoy the crushing while it lasts, and to take advantage of the position he has placed me in. Right now He has me here so that I can see Him for who He is, myself for who I am, and the tremendous chasm that separates the two.
Times like these make me understand the incredible nature of the gospel. That a bridge builder, a road paver can lead through humility to life that is worth living. A life more adventurous than one lived for my own gain, that looks beyond “self” and values the will of God above all else.
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